So a week ago I was in a kenya bus, the 7C ones that go to upperhill and I was tired af! I just wanted to get home and strip, and lie naked in bed! Usually I always have this mean bitch face going on when I sit next to strangers so that they wouldn’t even think about initiating a conversation. It makes me feel great because it always works out perfect.Oh well, that day it didn’t and I ended up talking to some guy, he looked manly(not too cute and not ugly) and he smelled good. And most importantly he had this official kinda vibe going on and a provocative beard. Just the package I like a man in. Okay well, he asked me what I like, and I just smiled. I knew if I started talking about stuff I liked he would end up pissed!!
Well I’ve got a thing for people who are undeniably themselves, the ones with messy hair and even messier souls. Kinds of people with unmade beds with yesterday night’s wrappings of choclate. I’ve got a thing for people who laugh at their own jokes and have passion in their tears. I have too much love for “societie’s misfits” yes! All of them. Iam for the girls with tinny titties and those with sagging ones. Iam for people with un arranged teeth, those with braces and definately those with wild gaps on their teeth. I’ve got a thing for drunkards and their high moments, and when they start crying I fall inlove with their breakdowns and day dreams and the sparks in their eyes. I’m obsessed with all people who have the strength to remain soft and let their fire burn hard. These are the things I like, the type I’m inlove with. These are my people, the healers and feelers of the world, to yourselves be kind.
I was an angry teen. I had soo much anger in me for everything and everyone around me, life, God, parents, the president, the government, the woman who sold viazi karai in out neighbourhood, yes especially her!! She used to overdilute the ukwaju! And the boys who would spank my ass for nothing, but I’m still angry, its only that I’ve learnt to direct my anger elsewhere. I’ve never been lonely, I’ve only been in a room, alone, depressed, sad! Yes but I’ve not been lonely. I’ve felt awful and a misfit but I never felt that a person could enter the room and cure what was bothering me. Like a hansome well built man coming in and erotically rubbing my titties and giving me an intense clit job. Ah ah,No I’ve never given society that satisfaction. Loneliness is something I’ve never been bothered with because I’ve always had this terrible itch for solitude. It goes down to being at a party with strangers or in a stadium full of human beings cheering for something I don’t care about, that, I might feel loneliness. Or well, the typical crowd, ” wow, its friday night, what we gon do? Just sit there?” well yeaa, because there’s nothing out there.
Honestly, I’ve never really been fascinated by the night rush. I’d rather stay in bed with covers pulled up to my chin, it’s always good in there,just me and my body. Alot of things scare the shit out of me u know, like getting older, and getting married. It fuckin scares me, spare me from the relentless cage of routine and role play. I just want to feel free, but again solitude is dangerous, its very addictive.
Human relationships are strange you know. I mean , you are with one person a while, eating together, sleeping together and living with them, loving them, going places with them and then it just stops like boom! Somehow everyone ends up hurt, and that pain is what keeps them alive. Many people are actually afraid to heal because their entire identity is centered around the trauma they’ve experienced. And that’s just who they have become. They have no idea who they are outside the trauma and that the unknown can be terrifying. And u know sometimes pain is just pain no lesson no nothing just pain! And the most dangerous thing that we end up doing is romanticizing the past, allowing nostalgia to drag up old memories from depths of our hearts and fashion them into something they are not. We build a mirage from a memory and kneel before it like a false god and in the end we realize what we called love was nothing but false hope
Maybe you’ll ask ‘what is love then?’ well, I don’t have love figured out yet because everytime I thought I loved someone, another came around and I fell for them more..But I would tell you to stay away from people who peel the skin of other people, the versions they want , and force you to wear them. Love is when they love your flawed skin, love is when someone’s happiness is your happiness.Love is when you feel a person’s smile aginst your lips when you are kissing!!!
Kiddo the world is difficult, and we are all breakable. So just be kind. And I hope life treats you well, but if it doesn’t I hope you treat yourself well.