There are soo many fragile things ,afterall people break easily and so do dreams and more often hearts are left scattered in tiny shards or cremated and left to follow the rhythm of the passing winds.These wounds finally heal!. Cuts from years past holding onto your present, maybe you wanted them to stay fresh. This wounds look the same. The shape of a familiar face, a carving made recently. Nocturnal tendencies, waking in similar skin. But we often try too hard to run from everything like the fact that some parts of us love the sadness, the anger, the torture. We fail to find them and ask those parts why !
At some point in our lives we tend to loose control of everything happening to us , and our lives become controlled by all the negative aura generated by people around us while we constantly convince ourselves to believe its fate. In real sense nobody warns you about yourself, the red in your eyes or the trap in your tongue. In the end the person who hurts you the most will be you, almost everytime, just you! You had better learn to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself instantly, its a skill you going to need until you die.
We beat ourselves so much over things gone wrong, failed conversations, missed connections where all that remains is what is unsaid. And we fail to forgive , let go and start over.
“..And suddenly you know. Its time to start over and trust the magic of new beginnings. ” -Meister Eckhart.
Nobody likes starting over, or maybe atleast no one i know but sometimes life forces you to detoxify. Sure, there those rare, crazy ones who love the thrill of new ventures. But if u’ve spent time building something you know its hard to begin, really hard to start over. But I think there’s this unexplainable beauty in letting go and starting over.
Its 25 days into this new year and all these time I’ve been trying out new things, well about new things I tried the ‘slurrp yoghurt + juicr mixed berries ‘ flavour of Daima yoghurt and I think Im letting go of the strawberry flavour. I wont lie that I’ve finally mastered the art of letting go and starting over through this self discovery journey that I embarked on. Im still working on it. See the thing about me is that i suck at letting go! I take all things soo personally. I want to understand what went wrong and and if there’s something that could be done to fix it. I believe in fixing things and empathy instead of just throwing them away. Though recently ive learned that somethings just dont need understanding because its not always about you, what you did wrong or what you could have done better, sometimes its them who are wrong.
The society we live in should not control any of your emotions. It shouldnt make you believe that your anger has to be polite, as if it does not hurt us, as if it is not righteous. The same society does not believe in the spirituality of their ancestors, but when they tell them a virgin gave birth to The Son of man and three wise men visited, they scream and shout Hallelujahs!The same people who only think black looks beautiful only on Lupita Nyong’o or Nyakim Gatwech.well, im just trying to say take your time to know what you want and who you are.
There is no statute of limitations on starting over. Re-invent in yourself everyday. Be the girl who walks barefoot with messy hair and listens to blues and ttomorrow wear a trenchcoat and speak fierce truths. Be a phoenix. Be ashes. Burn down. Resurrect. And let go of the idea that you must be what you have always been! Build yourself with small actions of self love, like the ability to say and truly mean “I deserve better.” and be able to forgive everyone who ever hurt you because at some point they made you smile and above all forgive yourself. Take care of your mind body and soul. Drink lots of water and make liwa masks for your face.
We walked to the wall holding hands as dry as sheets of paper, love was inprinted in our fingers indelibly. And as they say people grow and heal when they are loved genuinely. The unrequinted love should not make you less human, just love them, its gonna heal a soul, and that is being human! I ran my knuckles against the rough bricks, painted upon over and over. I always felt I could feel the humanity in me even for the most hateful things.
Today is the first day of the rest of it. Ofcourse there will be other first days but none exactly like this..